From Letting Go to Letting Be
Breaking the Being Helpful Habit
In the past ten years, I have lived in three different countries. With each move comes a shift of perspective and lifestyle. Things that mattered previously are less significant, and new concerns draw my attention.
It wasn't until recently that I discovered the people closest to me, my family, have become strangers. Over the years, I changed quite a bit, and so did they. Because we were apart for long stretches of time, I didn't notice. They visited me in Portugal this year, which has been stressful and caused much upheaval in my relationship with them.
We simply don't recognize one another.
We are trying to have a relationship with one another based on who we once were, not on who we have become. Misunderstandings abound. There are hurt feelings, assumptions made, and beliefs challenged, all causing conflict.
When I see a repeat of events, I ask myself about my role in the dynamic. How did I contribute to the conflict? A recent (catastrophic) visit from my sister brought this painfully forward. Through reflection, I became aware of a habit that I thought was positive but has turned into a problem. This is how I contributed to the breakdowns.
I have a being helpful habit.
While being helpful is often seen as a positive trait, I've realized that it can sometimes do more harm than good. These breakdowns in the relationships with family members have me exploring the path of letting go, finding balance, and embracing the concept of letting be.